My Story

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1991 to 2007
aged: 15
From: Stainforth Doncaster


31/07/91 - 16/02/07
Died from Ewings Sarcoma (Cancer)

Dan has 2 brothers & 1 sister
Lee 17....Shane 10...and Chloe..now 17 weeks old

Daniel was born on 31st July 1991.He was my second son,the middle one of 3 boys.Dan was never really ill and if he ever had a headache or anything he wouldnt take tablets,thats just how he was.Dan was a normal teenage boy into his video games and making his warhammer pieces.In about march 2006 he started to walk funny,as though he had some sort of limp,but when you asked him about it he said that it didnt hurt and that it just did it.There was nothing visible on his leg so i just left it,just put it down to him being a teenager.At the beginning of June he complained that it was hurting and that his chest was also.Looking at his right leg,it was slightly larger from the knee to his ankle than his left leg,so i took him to the doctors.It ended up being ewings sarcoma(a rare bone cancer),one in his right leg and loads in his chest.By the time Dan went to meet his consultant to discuss treatment Dan was ill,he was admitted to hospital where an xray revealed his right lung was full of fluid,2 days later so was the left so a chest drain was fitted.Dan spent 3 months in hospital,2 months of which he was dependant on oxygen,he ended up with 3 chest drains,numerous visits to intensive care.quite a few times Dan came close to death,but each time too everyones suprise he kept pulling through,he kept on fighting,even taking whatever medication was given to him.In October Dan was able to come home at last and just had to go back to hospital for chemo.Dan had lost the ability to walk after being so ill,so was now having to use a wheelchair.In December we were told that Dan couldnt have the operation to remove his bone and tumor,that it would have to be amputation,although they said theyd'd try radiotherapy to his leg incase there was a chance to save it.Dan started his radiotherapy at the beginning of january.Also at the beginnig of January we found out that the chemo wasnt working,Dans tumors were getting bigger and he had new ones also.On the 10th of January we found out that Dan had 2 large tumors at the back of his brain,and that he couldnt be cured,but he could have some more chemo to give him longer.2 days later i went into labour and gave birth to a little girl.Dan continued radiotherapy to his leg and had 2 more lots of chemo,although the last chemo he had set him off having seizures.It was then decided that no more treatment would be given to Dan,so i fetched him home.Dan finally lost his brave battle and died 2 weeks later on 16th February 2007.In the last couple of weeks of Dans life he went shopping a few times,always buying things for other people.The day before Dan died his consultant came to see him and when he asked Dan if there was anything he wanted to ask,all Dan asked for was if Ian could get an apnea monitor for his baby sister as she had stopped breathing the night before and was in hospital.Dan never once asked for anything for himself.One of the last things Dan said before he died was that he wanted to send 1 of his milkshakes to Ian his consultant as a thankyou present.(because of what was happening in Dans brain he had this thing about milkshakes) All through Dans illness he never complained and always thought of other people instead of himself.He went to the coast for the day and won lots of teddy bears..took them back to the ward and handed them out to the nurses,another time it was key rings and he gave them out to other patients.Or he was handing out his milkyways to the litlle ones on the kids ward.That was Dan all over,he always put other people first even when he should have been concentrating on himself.Daniel died 7 months after diagnosis.He was a very brave special boy,who i will miss terribly everyday for the rest of my life.
Love and miss you loads Dan xxxxxxxxxx

If love could have saved you
You would not have died
If tears could bring you back
you'd be by our side
.................... ........................ ........................ ........................ ...............
------??------Pu t This
----??-??--- -On Your
---??---??-- -profile If
---??---??-- -You Know
---??---??-- -Someone
----??-??--- -Who Died
-----???------ Of
----??-??--- -cancer
---??---??-- -that you care
???------????-about imensly


Returning to work

Hello,I'm back,but merely a shell
Since i saw you last i've been through hell.
Now that i'm here please give me some space.
Don't talk behind my back but straight to my face.
Look into my eyes and see the terrible pain,
and remember one day you could feel the same.
Please be patient,i need plenty of time,
You see i'm still hurting and not at my prime.
My hands will shake,the tears will fall,
I really don't want to be here at all.
My heart is broken and i'm cold all through,
Please don't leave me,I need someone to talk to.

Don't be embarrased,don't shy away,
It will be easier when we get past today.
Don't give me a job where i'll be all alone,
I need to be with people,not a no-go zone.
I'm terribly angry,I want to scream and scream,
If only this were just a very bad dream.
I really can't cope,I'll never get through,
Please be kind and show me what to do.
Don't tell me,"Life goes on"'cause mine's at an end.
Just give me a hug and say you'll be my friend.
Don't box me in corners and cause me more stress,
And yes,you're right,I didn't iron my dress.

I don't care about how i look,it's enough that I'm here,
You needn't tell me I've lost weight,thats quite clear.
I don't need building up,I don't want a tonic pill,
Don't ask me "Are you better?" ,I haven't been ill.
I see no future,don't ask me to plan,
It's very hard knowing your son won't be a man.
Please be sincere,your kindness not hollow,
Then maybe i'll have the strength to come back tomorrow.
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Remebering

Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry,
I'm crying already inside.
Help me to heal by releasing the tears that i try to hide.
Iam hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending he didn't exist
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that he has been missed.
You ask me how i was doing,
I say "pretty good" or "fine" .
But the healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
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If Only

Life for us was always "ifs"
If's and buts and whens.
If this happens,we'll do that
But now it's only then.
On your death,the future ifs
Which promised so much joy
Changed to sad "If onlys"
and they can just destroy.
I must not live if only
So try my best to steer
The course you would have wanted
If only you were here
If i were granted one more day
To spend alone with you
I'd say the things I should have said
And do all i wanted to.
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The Robbery

There's been a robbery!
Something's been stolen.
It's part of my spirit,part of my soul.
Nothing substantial,nothing to grasp,
It's part of my future,part of my past.

Something is missing,I feel so numb.
It's part of my reason for being a Mum.
Something was taken,it's torn me apart.
Something is gone,it's part of my heart.

Maybe in time I can accept this terrible crime.
Then at last i might find
Something substantial,something to grasp,
and look to the future
but remember the past.


.................... ........................ ........................ ................
They say there is no reason
they say that time will heal
But neither time or reason
Will change the way we feel

For no-one knows the heartache
That lies beyond our smiles
No-one know how many times
We have broken down and cried
we want to tell you something
So there wont be any doubt
You're so wonderfull to think of
But so hard to be without.

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Remember the good times
Dont ever feel sad
Remember the pleasure
And love that i had

Remember the laughter
And all that we shared
Remember with pride
For i know that you cared

And blame yourselves not
For what i did not see
My life had everything
You gave much to me

With love in our hearts
The memories will stay
Remember I'm only
A whisper away............


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